Building a Kingdom as a Kobold-Chapter 49: I Said I Wanted Help, Not A Traveling Circus

The system woke me up with a single line of doom.

[Prepare An Official Ashring Escort Team.]

I stared at it for a full minute.

"No."

[You have no choice.]

I sighed. Rolled over. Buried my head under the blanket. Waited for the message to go away.

It didn't.

Of course it didn't.

---

"You volunteered me for what?" I growled.

Bitterstack stared at me, completely unrepentant. "A diplomatic expedition. You can't go alone."

"I was planning to go alone."

"You were planning to wander into unknown territory with zero backup, no supplies, and no witnesses?"

"...Yes?"

Quicktongue leaned against the tent flap, arms crossed. "You're a sovereign now. Apparently sovereigns don't get to be dumb."

"Since when?"

"Since you died."

Rude.

---

The volunteers were assembled at the south trench within the hour.

The worst hour of my life.

First was Relay. Bright-eyed, fast-talking, and somehow managing to trip over his own tail while standing still. "I've got three backup scrolls, emergency ink, emergency backup ink, and a backup for the emergency backup ink!"

I stared.

"You talk a lot."

"I get that a lot!"

Next was Tinker, dragging half a broken golem behind him like a pet. "I'm supposed to observe your relic for any myth-structural anomalies. Also, I brought snacks."

"What kind of snacks?"

"Unlabeled."

Of course.

Then Cinders, already stirring something suspicious in a dented travel pot. "I'm the ration officer. No one touches my cooking without permission. I'll be checking hydration hourly."

"You're the cook?"

"I'm the chef."

I backed away slowly.

Flick showed up next by falling out of a nearby supply crate. "I'm stealth," he whispered dramatically. "You didn't even know I was here."

I blinked. "You're wearing a bell."

"It's part of the act."

Last was Glare. Dark scarf, moody stare, silent brooding. When I asked his specialty, he just said, "I walk the path alone."

Relay whispered behind me, "He writes poetry about moss."

I closed my eyes. Breathed in. Breathed out.

I was going to die. Again.

---

The squad immediately began arguing over who would carry the emergency snacks bag.

Quicktongue tapped my shoulder. "They're enthusiastic."

"They're a liability."

"They're what you get."

I stared at the chaotic mess in front of me. Flick was already climbing the watchtower. Tinker was trying to reattach his golem's arm with twine. Cinders was threatening Relay with a wooden spoon for touching the travel bread.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Fine."

The system pinged once, smug.

[First Ashring Diplomatic Expedition Prepared]

[Team Status: Catastrophic Potential]

[Departure Imminent. May the Flame Have Mercy On You.]

I glared at the flame pit.

It crackled.

Of course it did.

---

I stood at the south trench exit staring at my disaster squad.

They stared back.

The silence was broken only by Flick dropping his travel pack directly into a mud puddle, watching it sink, and then proudly declaring, "Tactical sacrifice."

I closed my eyes.

Maybe if I held my breath long enough, the system would think I was dead again.

---

Preparations had taken hours longer than necessary because somehow the squad treated "pack efficiently" as "carry everything you've ever touched in your life."

Cinders had brought three cooking pots, a cutting board, a bag of spices, and an entire fire-starting kit.

"I'm not using dungeon flame for cooking," she huffed. "It has... opinions."

Relay had a pouch of spare quills, two scroll cases, backup scroll cases for the scroll cases, and, bafflingly, a live glow-bug in a jar labeled "emergency morale."

Glare had brought nothing except his scarf and a small notebook.

He called it his "journal of sorrow."

Tinker had packed every loose golem part he could find, including one labeled "leg, probably."

Flick had brought... Flick.

And a bell. Again.

I glanced at Bitterstack, who was triple-checking supplies.

"This is what I get?"

She nodded. "It's what you get."

I sighed.

Embergleam stepped forward, arms crossed, her flame pendant catching the last light of the central fire.

"You're actually doing this?"

I spread my claws. "Apparently."

She frowned. "I can't stop you. Just..." She sighed heavily. "Please, please don't let any of them lick anything glowing."

I stared directly at Flick.

He smiled innocently.

I stared harder.

The smile widened.

I gave up.

---

Hoarder limped over, still stiff from his wounds, but with that same scout-focus in his eyes. He handed me a small claw-scratched map.

"Path out of the dungeon. Avoids the worst collapse zones. You'll still want to watch for shifting rock and echo predators."

I accepted it quietly.

His tone softened just enough to remind me this wasn't easy for him. "Be careful out there, Sovereign."

I gave him a nod. "Always."

Lie. I am never careful.

---

We gathered at the threshold.

The south trench had been widened into a crude gate, still unfinished. Broken mosscrete walls framed the dungeon's dark winding tunnel ahead.

The young squad was vibrating with excitement.

Relay bounced on his toes. "First expedition! First expedition!"

Tinker adjusted his pack. "Do I calibrate the relic sensor now or later?"

Cinders narrowed her eyes at the wind. "I will conquer outdoor cooking."

Flick had vanished somewhere. His bell jingled from a completely different direction.

Glare just stared dramatically into the distance. "I walk into the unknown as the silent watcher."

I muttered under my breath. "I walk into the unknown with a headache."

The system pinged one last time.

[First Ashring Diplomatic Expedition: Commencing]

[Squad Status: Technically Ready]

[Environmental Conditions: Slightly Hostile]

[Exit Detected. Confirm Departure? Y/N]

I tapped the Y without hesitation.

The flame behind us flickered as if watching.

"Alright," I growled. "Let's go make mistakes."

The squad cheered.

I immediately regretted everything.

We stepped into the dark of the dungeon, the glow of Ashring slowly vanishing behind us.