How to Survive in the Roanoke Colony-Chapter 208 - Fleeting Eternity (2)

208: Fleeting Eternity (2)

208: Fleeting Eternity (2)

The scene from that time unfolds before Raleigh’s eyes again.

The smell of gunpowder, the stench of blood, the sound of metal.

“But…

one day when I stood on a real battlefield, when a bullet grazed near my finger, I wet myself, though I never told anyone.”

“…”

“I was terrified.

The kingdom of the Lord, glory, whatever was in my head disappeared, and I just wanted to run away from there.

Only shame held me back.”

Raleigh removed his glove to show the finger that had been grazed by the bullet that day.

“I’ve been ashamed every time I remember that day for my entire life.

To fear death.

I who claimed to go fight for the Lord’s cause, was so scared and just whimpering…”

“You were in your teens, weren’t you?

It’s only natural.”

“No.

At that time, the Lord’s kingdom seemed not far from my sight.

Yet I was afraid?

To fear going to the place all creatures yearn to go?

Doesn’t that make no sense?”

Raleigh feels himself getting increasingly excited as he speaks.

For a moment, he looks at John White’s gravestone.

That friend is dead.

In peace.

Can I die like that too?

Can I willingly accept death?

I still want to live more.

I want to survive.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to go to the Lord’s kingdom like this.

It’s ridiculous.

Look at the shallow sinfulness of this creature trying to take the fleeting and distance himself from eternity.

It’s foolish, like a child afraid of bitter medicine.

Raleigh’s hands begin to tremble.

“Life on this earth is but a fleeting moment.

I know I must eventually go to the eternal kingdom of the Lord.

But, but, out of fear, like this, I…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Can someone like me…

go to the Lord’s kingdom on the final day?

Can I be saved in the distant future?

…You’ll say you don’t know.

Of course, salvation is beyond his domain.

Thinking this, Raleigh discards his burned-out tobacco and reaches for a new one.

“…You can go.”

When he speaks, Raleigh unconsciously drops it.

“Wh-what did you say…”

“You can go to God’s kingdom.

Even one who fears death can.”

Raleigh hurriedly turns toward him.

Then he…

was looking at the sky.

With slightly trembling eyes.

“Because God’s kingdom…

is not in heaven.

Because it is not in the distant future.”

==

This place frightens me.

The cemetery frightens me.

I think I saw something like that in a drama before.

That immortality isn’t about living forever.

It’s about watching everyone else around you die.

I saw John White’s death.

I will probably see the death of Walter Raleigh, who is beside me now.

Vicente, Hewett, Manteo, Eleanor, and even the still young Virginia will all die someday.

I’ll meet someone else, and they’ll die too.

Only I will live.

Only me.

Fear grows like endless weeds in summer fields.

No matter how many times I pull them out, they grow again.

I, uh, I…

don’t know anything.

I’m gradually becoming afraid of life.

I fear life, and I’m terrified of being thrown into eternal time and left alone.

“God’s kingdom is never solely in the distant future.

It is not only far away…”

Yet I’m babbling on.

Whether I really understand the meaning, I’m just reciting some plausible passage from a theology book I read every night.

Unknowingly.

“Everywhere the Lord’s authority extends is the Lord’s kingdom and heaven.

Where people who follow the Lord’s will live is the Lord’s kingdom.”

“…”

“As other kings do, so does the King of this world.”

I was somehow sitting and listening intently to the words coming from my mouth, as if they were someone else’s.

Heaven is not far away.

It’s not somewhere I go after I die.

“The kingdom of God has already come upon you.

(Matthew 12:28) The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand…

(Mark 1:15)”

Heaven is already here. fɾēewebnσveℓ.com

It has drawn near.

“God’s kingdom is not only that which comes on the final day.”

Christianity is eschatological.

Because Jesus, who said ‘that day’ was not far off, was crucified, died, resurrected, and ascended.

That’s why the fervor of the early church was tremendous, they say.

Because the final day would come soon.

Perhaps the kingdom of God would come during my lifetime.

But more than 1,000 years have passed that way.

The final day became something of the distant future.

And God’s kingdom became just as distant from us.

It became a place we could only go after death.

But.

“Here we can plant eternity in a moment, glory in misery, greatness in insignificance.”

Jesus said that heaven is right here.

Where good people follow God is heaven.

In this world full of fear, where people live meaningful lives despite being afraid.

Where we have each other.

I look at Raleigh.

I see his eyes filled with fear.

The fear reflected there like a mirror is also mine.

Only then do I realize that fear is not mine alone.

“Because we have fear, we can truly have courage.

Because we are in the mud, we can truly know cleanliness…”

What meaning would courage have without fear?

What value would purity have without filth?

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…

(Matthew 5:3)”

I recite a verse from the Bible.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted…

(Matthew 5:4)”

Then Raleigh, as if entranced, continues my words.

And blinking with trembling eyes, he says in a slightly choked voice:

“…Now, now my fear is half gone.”

I had somehow reached that point too.

Mine was half gone too.

Only half.

I was still afraid.

I feared my endless life and the death that was not mine.

I was so afraid of my distant futures where I would live endlessly experiencing loss.

But, no, because of that, I will live.

Because where there is fear, there is also courage.

Because even in this mud, there will be heaven.

I feel my eyes starting to close slightly.

Then, suddenly feeling a cold sensation, I open my eyes again to see the evening glow has descended.

Looking to the side, I felt a warm touch on the back of my hand.

It was heated wine.

“…Nemo?

Are you awake?

We prepared a meal among ourselves, would you like some?”

It’s Eleanor.

Beyond her, I see Manteo spreading out a place, Vicente setting dishes, and Raleigh clearing away nearby snow and grass.

…Yes.

Everyone is still alive for now.

I won’t have to endure fear alone.

I smiled at her and picked up the cup.

“I will.”

I.

No, we.

Will live even in fear.

A moment that can be more valuable than eternity.