Like Deadpool in the DC Universe.-Chapter 37: Looking for the joker

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After Blade left the Titans' HQ, he headed into the city and began walking through the dark alleys—not in his usual sarcastic manner, but with steady eyes searching, and heavy steps that seemed to carry the weight of the world.

Everywhere he went, he left behind criminals—some injured, others dead. But all who survived shared the same feeling: pure terror. And the reason was clear—this time, he wasn't joking; he was dead serious.

He grabbed every thug, big or small, slammed them against the wall, and whispered in a cold voice:

"Where's the Joker, you lady-serving piece of shit?"

But the answers were always the same... either dead silence, fear-laced denial, or scrambled words that led nowhere. As if the Joker was a ghost—no one knew, no one saw, no one spoke.

As night fell, rain began to pour over his purple-and-black mask. He lifted one drenched, exhausted criminal off the ground.

"You don't get it... you don't look for the Joker. The Joker looks for you!"

Blade said nothing... he just gave a cold side-smirk and replied:

"Good job... now goodbye, cum bag."

And with no hesitation, he pulled the trigger and shot him in the head.

The body dropped. Blade continued walking into the darkness—with a goal in his eyes.

—

This time, Blade went straight to Joker's favorite crazy best friend: Batman himself.

He arrived at Wayne Manor in a taxi, stepped out, tossed the driver the cash, and headed straight for the Batcave entrance. Blade walked in uninvited, his steps echoing on the cold metal floor. The dim lighting didn't hide the smirk on his face or the sarcasm in his voice:

"Ooooh, the place hasn't changed much... Still working in the dark, huh? I guess the whores don't drop by here often. Ever thought of adding a comfy couch for some good ol' lovemaking and getting yourself a little bat-baby? Or, I don't know, some air freshener?"

Batman didn't respond—as usual. He waited, letting Blade talk himself out.

Blade approached and stood beside him in front of the massive Batcomputer screen.

"Alright, Dark Knight... I need a small favor. Where can I find the Joker?"

Batman showed no surprise. He simply looked at him with his sharp gaze and asked in his deep voice:

"Why are you looking for him?"

Blade gave a cold smile as he replied:

"I've got a little gift for him... Don't worry, it's not a bomb. Just a tiny grudge made of layers of fake laughter and deadly surprises. I just want to take something off my chest... and plant it right in his face."

Batman was silent for a moment, then said:

"Looking for the Joker is like chasing madness itself... You won't find him unless he wants to be found."

Blade stood, observing the glowing computers covering the walls, then turned to Batman and said:

"You know, Bats... the Joker isn't just a regular criminal. No, no... he's a walking party of madness, jokes, and destruction. Like someone mixed a circus clown with the nightmares of a disturbed kid desperately trying to lose his virginity... and then sprinkled in a bit of emotional chaos on top."

Batman didn't respond. He just watched him with that serious look, as if measuring his danger—or his honesty.

Blade continued, wandering among the equipment:

"I don't hate him. In fact... sometimes, I think I understand him. He's just a crazed version of the truth. We all wear masks, don't we? The only difference is—his mask is fused to his face... and tightly."

Batman finally replied in a calm but firm voice:

"The Joker only understands chaos. No logic, no reason. Just a desire to break the system."

Blade laughed hard, pointing at his head:

"Exactly! But isn't life itself chaos? Aren't you, every single day, trying to force order onto a world that refuses to be organized? You, me, and him... we're not that different. Except I've got the biggest dick among us—and we've just chosen different ways to respond to the madness around us."

Batman slowly stepped closer, standing face-to-face with Blade, and said:

"I don't kill. I don't joke. And I don't align with those who break the rules."

Blade blinked slowly, then said:

"Mmm, yes, yes... the Bat in his little costume crusade, always against anything remotely fun. But let me tell you something, Bruce Wayne... sometimes, to understand madness—you have to touch it. No, I don't mean wear a purple suit and release laughing gas. I mean, I need to look into his eyes and see what the hell makes him laugh. Maybe he just sees you as a sadist fulfilling your twisted urges. Because somewhere deep down... I don't think he's laughing alone."

He paused for a few seconds, then stepped even closer and asked:

"Tell me, when you catch the Joker and lock him away... do you feel peace? Or are you just closing your eyes to reality until the next round?"

Batman stared at him for a long moment, then said:

"Every time I catch him... I hope it's the last. But it never is."

Blade chuckled and said:

"Like a toxic sadomasochistic relationship that never ends. You two need each other more than either of you will admit. But don't worry—this time... the party's mine. And I don't dance. I end the dance."

The two stood in silence. The tension was thick. But deep inside, Batman understood something:

Blade wasn't just chasing the Joker for revenge—he was searching for himself... hidden somewhere between the Joker's laughter.

Blade (taking a deep breath and jumping onto a swivel chair):"You sighed, Batman... You sighed like a dad who saw his kid's exam results and found a zero but still said: 'At least he tried... now rape him...'"

Batman (with his usual cold tone):"Did you come here just to waste my time?"

Blade:"Oh no no no, I came to share a scientific fact... The Joker, dear Batman, has a dick smaller than... a kitten—no, a cat! The original cat! The insane version of Beast Boy when he turns into a cat and gets sick!"

Batman (sighing, visibly tired):"I don't have time for this nonsense, Blade."

Blade (placing his hands on his hips like a fashion model):"Exactly! And I don't have time either! But let's think together... Joker plans, blows stuff up, laughs, escapes... but why? Why all that energy? Because, Bats, when you're the size of... a teenage cockroach? You have to prove yourself. The man's literally living out a size complex!"

Batman (voice full of disgust):"You're insane."

Blade (jumping onto the table and sitting cross-legged):"Ah! The nicest compliment I've heard since a girl at a bar told me I look like Deadpool—if the budget was cut!"

Batman:"Are you going to say anything useful?"

Blade (grabbing Batman's cowl and spinning it on his head):"Yes! The Joker... if you locked him in a room with a hot sandwich and a pregnant cat, he'd either punch the cat—or worse—rape it, scream at the sandwich, then burst out laughing because he thought the cat was you in disguise!"

Batman (trying to ignore him and going back to his work):"You have three seconds before I throw you out."

Blade (dramatically pacing like he's on stage):"Only three seconds?! Oh my! Did I offend your girlfriend, the Joker? Time shows no mercy to lovers or lunatics! But remember my words, Bats—if you catch the Joker, ask him one question: Do tiny things make you laugh... or cry?"

Batman (sighing again):"Get out."

Blade (running toward the exit):"Alright, I'm going! But if you see the Joker, tell him I'm looking for him—with a gift the size of his ego... very small. Might even fit in an envelope!"

(Blade disappears into the shadows, leaving Batman shaking his head in exhaustion, wondering if this creature was truly an ally—or just another disaster waiting to happen...)

As Blade's footsteps echoed quietly down the stone corridor leading out of the Batcave, the shadows on the walls danced with the light of the screens, and the air remained still—as if the world itself had paused to absorb what had just been said.

Batman stood motionless, like a statue on the outside—but inside, his mind was boiling.

He tilted his head slightly upward toward the ceiling, then closed his eyes for a moment, replaying Blade's words in his mind:

"Small in size, massive in chaos... an angry cat in a clown's body."

"A gift the size of his ego... fits in an envelope."

"His madness isn't random... it's deliberate, very deliberate..."

Batman opened his eyes suddenly, as if a spark of understanding had finally pierced the mystery Blade left behind. He turned slowly, looking toward the exit where Blade had vanished, and whispered so softly it was barely audible:

"Pure madness... but structured... like a broken clock that only works at the moment of explosion."

A moment of silence, before he added as he stepped toward his computer:

"That idiot might've figured out something we haven't yet... Joker is hiding something... something only seen through eyes that mock everything."

He typed a few commands into the computer. A recent image of the Joker appeared... followed by a shot of Blade lounging on the Titans' couch, eating popcorn.

"Monitor them both... because madness might be the key."

And at that moment, the camera slowly pulled away from Batman in silence...

While Blade was running through the forest, yelling:

"Where are you, you smiling white goblin!! I've got an envelope the size of your ego!"

Somewhere... the Joker was laughing.

And everyone could feel... the explosion was coming.

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