Standing Next To You-Chapter 424: Helpless

That same evening, when everyone thought Fei Chuan was getting better, he suddenly began to convulse. His entire body shook violently, and his pupils dilated, sending everyone into a panic.

"...W-what’s happening to him...?" Bei Sangyun was holding Fei Chuan, her face ashen. She looked desperately at Doctor Jang, who was examining Fei Chuan’s pupils.

"H-he was just fine earlier... Why is he convulsing?" Bei Sangyun was so flustered that she clung to Doctor Jang.

Grandma Pei stepped forward. "Dear, let Doctor Jang do his work."

Doctor Jang was also flustered, but he maintained his composure as he assessed Fei Chuan’s condition. His expression grew increasingly grim.

"How could this be? He should be improving by now. His vitals stabilized just this morning. How did it relapse again?" Doctor Jang muttered, questioning what went wrong this time.

The treatment had improved compared to before. So why had his illness, which should have been slowing down by now, relapsed again as it did the first time?

Dr. Jang’s next actions were swift. He administered two more injections into Fei Chuan’s arm. Finally, after half a minute, the seizure stopped.

"W-what’s wrong with him?" Bei Sangyun finally found her voice again. She swallowed her nervousness and asked, "Has this happened before?"

Dr. Jang shook his head. "The first signs of his illness relapsing are usually a nosebleed or traces of blood in his cough. When the illness enters the active stage, he experiences seizures, and that’s when he typically falls into a coma. Once his condition becomes critical, he starts vomiting blood, even while unconscious, as you’ve seen before."

Dr. Jang paused, his brow furrowing, "But when his condition stabilizes, the coughing and vomiting of blood stop. It usually takes a day or two before he wakes up. But... he has never experienced a seizure after his condition stabilized."

Dr. Jang wiped the sweat from his forehead. Even he seemed to be losing his composure. "This has never happened before, so it will be difficult to diagnose whether he is truly improving or not. His vitals have dropped again, as if another cycle of his illness is starting."

Bei Sangyun’s already pale face lost all color. Even Grandma Pei, who had just heard the news, staggered.

"...Y-you mean...he will start vomiting blood again?" Bei Sangyun asked, her voice trembling with terror. "...But his body can’t take any more blood loss!"

"That’s right. His blood count is already dangerously low. If he vomits more blood in this condition, there’s a ninety percent chance he’ll go into hypovolemic shock, which could lead to organ failure... and death."

"Oh my Lord!" Grandma Pei’s head spun, her legs gave out. If Grandma Bei and Maid Yan hadn’t caught her, she would have collapsed to the ground.

Bei Sangyun’s entire body turned cold. The word ’death’ echoed in her ears, drowning out everything else. Her shocked gaze landed on Fei Chuan, lying weakly on the bed, wracked with pain.

It felt as if an iron hand gripped her throat, making it difficult to breathe. Her heart sank to the bottom of an ocean, and her limbs turned stiff.

Fei Chuan... Her Fei Chuan... Her beloved Fei Chuan... would die?

"...T-that c-can’t be...." Bei Sangyun muttered. She grabbed Dr. Jang by the collar, her hands trembling, "....T-that can’t happen...He w-will grow up, he w-will live longer than me...I’ve seen it. You...You must have it wrong. There’s no way Fei Chuan will die!"

Bei Sangyun’s voice rose in desperation, denying Dr. Jang’s words, but her eyes pleaded with him—to say he had diagnosed it wrong.

Dr. Jang closed his eyes. "...I’m sorry...I’ve done everything I can... If this new cycle begins, there’s nothing more we can do. Unless..."

"...Unless?" Bei Sangyun’s sinking heart leaped with hope.

"Unless we choose to end his suffering soon... through the use of euthanasia*."

Bei Sangyun froze. Her hand, which had been gripping Dr. Jang’s collar, slowly slipped away. Grandma Pei had already fainted from the overwhelming stress, supported by Grandma Bei and Maid Yan.

Bei Sangyun’s expression hardened. "...We are not giving up on him, Doctor. Don’t ever use that word again."

"I don’t recommend it either," Dr. Jang replied. "But the second cycle will be excruciating for him. It will be ten times more painful than the first cycle as his organs start to fail one by one. He’ll be in unbearable pain, suffering until he breathes his last—"

"Stop." Bei Sangyun muttered, her head lowered.

"I don’t want to give up on him either. But if there’s nothing more we can do, it might be kinder to end his suffering soon—"

"Stop...."

"It will also be incredibly hard for you and his loved ones to watch him writhe in pain—"

"I said stop!" Bei Sangyun pushed Dr. Jang away, tears streaming down her face like a broken dam. "I get it. I get it, okay? I get it. Damn it!" She began pacing the room, her emotions a whirlwind of frustration, defeat, anger, and sorrow.

Dr. Jang glanced at Fei Chuan, who now appeared to be sleeping, his breathing weak. "...Take your time to decide. I hope you consider it carefully." He then went to check on Grandma Pei and helped the others move her to another room.

Grandma Bei glanced at Bei Sangyun, whose back was turned to them, her shoulders trembling.

Grandma Bei wanted to comfort her granddaughter, to hold her close, but she knew Bei Sangyun wouldn’t want her to see this moment of weakness and defeat. She sighed, full of sorrow for both Bei Sangyun and Fei Chuan.

"Dear, I’ll be in the other room if you need me."

Bei Sangyun nodded, still not facing them.

Grandma Bei quietly closed the door behind her.

In the room, Bei Sangyun finally slumped to the ground. Her entire body shook, and her tears continued to fall as she covered her mouth with her hand. She whimpered silently, not letting her heart-wrenching cries echo in the room.

After what felt like an eternity, Bei Sangyun stood up, her eyes red and swollen. She approached Fei Chuan’s bed but hesitated, afraid to get too close.

"....Fei Chuan...I’m sorry...I am so sorry...." Her hoarse voice repeated the words over and over. She knelt by the bed, clutching the bedding as if holding his hand. Her tears began to fall again.

...

That night, Bei Sangyun did not sleep in Fei Chuan’s room. She asked Maid Yan and Maid Ye Zhai to keep a close watch over him.

She stayed with Grandma Bei instead. Because Grandma Bei insisted on holding her to sleep, Bei Sangyun remained by her side in bed. When Grandma Bei’s breathing evened out, Bei Sangyun opened her eyes.

Her dull gaze shifted to Grandma Bei. After making sure she was asleep, Bei Sangyun gently lifted her arms and quietly left the bed. She walked out to the balcony.

Facing the bright moon, the enveloping darkness, and the cold wind, Bei Sangyun felt utterly desolate.

Were they truly destined to walk the path that had been laid out for them?

No matter how much she wanted to defy fate... was it really that unconquerable?

Were she and Fei Chuan... never meant to walk side by side?

Was standing by his side, loving him, and being with him... such a terrible sin?

...The heavens are so cruel.

Bei Sangyun stared into the darkness beyond, feeling helpless and full of despair.

...

When Grandma Bei woke up, she found a note in the empty space beside her. It was in Bei Sangyun’s handwriting.

[Grandma, do you want to visit River Village? I’ve been thinking about going there with you for a while now. By the time you read this, I might already be on my way. Guard Huang will be waiting for you outside the villa. Maid Ye Zhai knows about this and has already prepared your things. I’m sorry for leaving first. Let’s meet at the village.

P.S. Could you please not tell the others where we’re going? Just say you’re going for a walk.]

It was such a strange note that Grandma Bei wondered if Bei Sangyun had really written it.

Yesterday had been chaotic and hectic. With Fei Chuan’s condition worsening, it seemed unthinkable that her granddaughter, who had been so deeply affected by the news, would suddenly suggest leaving town and abandoning Fei Chuan.

Under normal circumstances, Grandma Bei wouldn’t have questioned the note. But now, with Fei Chuan in such a critical state, it seemed strange.

She knew how much Fei Chuan meant to Bei Sangyun, so why would her granddaughter suddenly leave at such a crucial time?

Grandma Bei was doubtful, but when she met Maid Ye Zhai and saw her belongings already packed and loaded into the car, she was speechless.

Had Bei Sangyun really left the villa?

Maid Ye Zhai noticed the shock and confusion on Grandma Bei’s face and couldn’t help but offer some words in defense of her Young Miss.

"The Young Miss asked me to continue watching over the Young Master and to help care for him in the villa. She also requested that I report to her regularly. I heard that she delegated some tasks to others to sponsor the research team and expedite their results."

Grandma Bei blinked. She wasn’t questioning her granddaughter’s love for Fei Chuan, but this sudden departure felt strange.

Perhaps, after the chaos of yesterday, her granddaughter just needed to escape for a moment, to take a breather and gather herself?

That seemed like a plausible reason.

"...Do you know what time she left?" Grandma Bei asked.

"Around dawn."

"That early?" Grandma Bei was stunned. By now, Bei Sangyun must be halfway to the River Village.

"I see." Grandma Bei nodded and thanked her.

She looked back at the villa. Grandma Pei was still unwell from the overwhelming events of yesterday. Grandma Bei wondered if she should have visited her and said goodbye.

But since she couldn’t reveal where they were going, Grandma Bei felt it was pointless. They wouldn’t stay long in River Village and would return soon anyway.

Or so she thought.

But one day passed... then two... then three... and eventually, a week had gone by, and Grandma Bei and Bei Sangyun were still in River Village.

*****

A/n: euthanasia- the practice of ending the life of a patient to limit the patient’s suffering through the use of drug (usually by injections)