Carnivals: Claimed By The Deranged Alpha Prince [BL]-Chapter 66: Guilt

Jules pov

It was eerily quiet now that Blaze and I were alone in the hallway. My heart was racing erratically and it felt like my heart was lodged in my throat.

The need to explain myself was pressing against my throat, it was nagging at every inch of my insides, but Blaze didn’t look at me, and that made my heart shatter. He stared at Xander’s closed door a moments longer before pulling away and heading for the other side of the hall, in the direction of our shared dorm.

He was still yet to spare me a glance or say a word to me, and somehow, that felt extremely worse than him outrightly asking me to explain myself and leaving me with no other option like he’d usually do.

I exhaled slowly and clutched my torn shirt together as I trailed after him, while silently accepting the fact that I was currently in a mess which I had created myself, because I’m just dumb and slow.

Blaze had taken care of me so damn well throughout yesterday, he had made me feel extremely safe and cared for, had made me feel perfect... and what did I do? Get myself into a mess the very next day, one which sounded extremely compromising after all that Xander revealed to Blaze, which were definitely not true.

Xander was objectively attractive from the onset, but I was never attracted to him, neither did I ever had a crush on him. He didn’t make my heart race, he didn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy in his presence, his gaze doesn’t feel like it was unraveling me, his touch didn’t send shivers down my spine... and his kiss felt outrightly wrong.

Blaze got the door open and stepped through without sparing me a glance and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I sucked in a deep breath as I stepped through and closed the door after him. The air felt extremely tense around us, and I kept silently wishing he’d question me and leave me no choice but to respond, because that’s how I’d be able to explain myself to him, at least, that felt like it would be way better than this silence.

Blaze headed to the sitting room and shrugged out of his jacket before sinking into one of the couches, head thrown back against the headrest and eyes closed. I remained in the doorway, mouth wobbling dejectedly. I’ve never felt this way before, this extremely shitty feeling from being ignored before. It felt like my entire inside was falling apart and it left a bitter feeling behind. The urge to explain myself, the urge to make things right between us and listen to him reassure me that he wasn’t mad at me was so intense and constant inside of me, that it made my eyes well up with tears.

Why do I feel this way?

Once upon a time, I’d give everything to be ignored by Blaze this way, the way he was currently acting like I didn’t exist. But right now, it felt extremely horrible and I hated the feeling so much.

I remained in the same position for a few more moments before clearing my throat. It’s best I try explaining myself to him, I silently said to myself.

"Blaze..."

I called out tentatively, voice small and breath bated in suspense while I silently willed him to glance my way.

However, when he did, there was no warmth in his eyes, it felt cold and I almost flinched when he arched a brow at me.

I exhaled slowly and tried to gather my wits together.

"A- about what he said..."

He easily cut into my sentences. "Go take a shower, Jules."

I flinched this time, while my heart sank even more at the use of my name and not an endearment. My heart raced as I attempted to speak again.

"I- I wanna apologize–"

He cut into my once again. "Go take a shower, Jules. You reek of your crush."

My mouth fell open as I realized that I do reek of the lycan. Blaze had referred to him as my crush, which was the first thing I initially wanted to address, but he had asked me to go take a shower, not giving me a chance to explain myself. I knew pushing to explain myself right now wouldn’t do me much good, and so I forced myself not to give into the urge to cry as I turned around and made my way to the bedroom where the restroom was located.

Once in there, the urge to break down increased in waves but once again, I refused to give into the urge because I knew that this particular situation was no longer about me after Blaze rescued me. It was about Blaze, about how Xander had said those words on purpose, and about how he definitely deserves to know that all those claims had been a lie.

Once I was done, I hesitated on what to dress up in. I knew how much Blaze liked those small shorts on me, his eyes alone had conveyed that to me, and I decided to put it on. Perhaps that would make him less mad?

And does this make me a manipulator?

As I looked between a hoodie of mine and one of his large shirts which he’d have definitely slip on me if he was present and if it was a normal day. I’d have preferred Blaze’s shirt because of his scent and how his shirt usually made me feel safe, but I decided to settle on my hoodie instead, because I didn’t know if I’d be able to survive him demanding that I take his shirt off since he was clearly mad at me.

As I stepped into the bedroom, Blaze was sitting at the edge of his bed and at once, my heart flew into my throat right as our eyes locked.

On a normal day, he’d have motioned me over.

However, he nodded towards the other bed— the one which he forbade me from using. "You should get some sleep, Jules."

This time, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. He doesn’t want me in his bed anymore? If I had previously doubted that I could feel much worse, then I had just been proven wrong.

Blaze was basically deserting me this way. From ordering me to always use his bed, to asking me to use mine.

A large lump in my throat prevented a word from coming out when I tried to speak. My eyes prickled with tears as I tensely nodded my head before heading to the other side of the room.