My Wife is a Dead Villainess, and I'm Her Living Weapon-Chapter 56: Crap

Somewhere deep into the Snow Wolf Dungeon, dawn broke. Three moons and a single sun were all visible in the sky.

A small fire burned in a makeshift camp. The camp was neatly separated into two equal halves.

On one end, was a beautiful ghost mesmerizing to the eyes created blocks of gray ice in neat piles without resting. Only the sound of hundreds of blocks freezing proved the scene was real.

It should be noted that the if a regular human walked into this half of the camp, they would die of hypothermia in under a minute.

On the other was a black golem who stood at the center of hundreds of black serpents. The snakes devoured an entire field full of wolf corpses. It was a chilling scene, but the ones here grew numb to the spectacle.

Considering that they saw it multiple times over the course of multiple days, it quickly lost its shock value. freewёbn૦νeɭ.com

Though the ghost and the golem were together. Neither spoke to the other. An awkward air lingered between them. But both knew how conscious one was of the other. On more than one occasion, they would find the other gazing at them with affectionate eyes.

But still, the two didn’t reach out to the other. They just waited. Only one being freely walked between the two areas. She was standing between the two areas ranting out loud.

"Oh, for goodness’ sake, watching you two act like sexually frustrated shellfish is less interesting than paint drying. How hard is it to say, ’Oh, Hi! Remember what I said a few days ago? I meant that sexually! Let’s make babies! NOW!’"

At her words both the ghost and the golem flinched. They immediately stole glances at each other—then at Fluffy.

"Can’t you just stop it with the sex jokes, you over-indulgent libido-addicted pervert?! I will freeze your mouth shut!"

"Didn’t you try that a few days ago? She bashed her head against a tree till the ice broke. Staying silent is like a death sentence for Fluffy."

"I suppose it is."

Fluffy frowned. With slothful movements she got up and walked towards Bianca’s workshop.

"Oh? So now you two talk! What does a wolf have to do to get any respect around here? Master, you have spent days making Cinderglass. Look at that giant pile! What? You plan to build a palace out of ICE VII next?"

She then turned to Elian and continued.

"And you, sir Elian! Stop wasting time! We already know how fast your vampire noodles lick the battlefield clean. The corpses stink! Think about us with super sensitive noses, you inconsiderate hulking trash compactor!"

Elian awkwardly brushed the back of his head at her rebuke. Sending a command through the puddle beneath him, the serpents grew ferocious and ravaged the battlefield in a frenzy.

He also noticed Bianca stopping her production lines. The Witch sighed in defeat.

"Good! Now both of you! Come here!"

Trying to look imposing, Fluffy sat on her rear while straightening her back. At 10-meters she looked like a hairy monument. Elian complied with her demands and saw Bianca do the same. Seeing the ridiculousness of the situation, they both chuckled heartily.

I missed this. Thanks, Fluffy.

When they reached the spot in front of the Snow Wolf Alpha, she grunted.

"Sit."

Elian and Bianca sat on the floor.

"Alright. I have gotten all the fun that I can from your awkwardness. It’s boring me to tears. So, I want you two to hug it out now or else!"

At her clear threat, Elian frowned. His master went beyond that and retorted.

"Or else what?"

But despite Bianca’s aggressive snarl. Fluffy just turned away and replied in a cold voice.

"No more fluff privileges for you. Maybe you can have Sir Elian find you a Snow Wolf with hair softer than mine. I won’t allow you to hug me and will freeze my hair, so it turns spiky."

The Witch abruptly stood up in anger, "What? This is unfair! I own you! Why do you think I named you Fluffy!"

Elian nodded. In their downtime, which was mainly when Fluffy slept, Bianca acted like a crack addict for the fluff. She kept rubbing her face in Fluffy’s hair for hours without getting bored of it. If Fluffy really did freeze her hair, Bianca wouldn’t be able to do as she pleased.

The commissioner of fluff then looked down at Elian and handed out his punishment.

"As for you Sir Elian, if you do not do as I say, I will take a crap on every corpse I can. I know that although you cannot taste, Living Metal feels texture and heat. Do not make me soil your loot."

"What?"

Elian’s mind froze. Just imagining processing dog crap from a 10-meter hairball made him want to hurl. A lot of the wolves actually pissed or crapped all over the place when they died. Fluffy who saw Elian’s reaction to the residue that one time weaponized the info.

"You heard me. I will relieve myself on every enemy you kill. I’ll make sure those that Master does craps themselves as well. Your noodles will be licking cores soaked in hot and steamy piles of crap!"

This bastard. Should I be glad that she isn’t the leader of the Snow Wolves? Anyone who can use even their crap to terrorized others should not be taken lightly.

Bianca’s face warped in disgust as she rebuked the giant wolf. "Stop being so abhorrent you insolent unhinged fluff stealing vagrant! There is no way you would really follow through!"

Fluffy grinned at them as her eyes narrowed.

"You wanna bet? You lived my entire life, Master. Do you honestly think, I would hesitate to make your lives a living hell just for my own amusement?"

"...uhm..."

The Witch of the Frozen Night took a step back.

That doesn’t seem like a no.

Bianca quickly turned to Elian. Closing her eyes, she spread her arms awkwardly. Her face was flushed while her body shivered. Elian found her embarrassment endearing. She looked like a child who disliked being smothered but was greedy for a bribe.

"E-Elian! Let’s hug a-and make up. I cannot lose fluff privileges! I am sure you also don’t want to deal with her feces, right?" Bianca supposed.

While Elian found Fluffy’s threats vile and revolting, he could technically just bear with it. But seeing his master’s desperation, he couldn’t help but chuckle.

Sigh. How adorable.

"Stop laughing! Quickly! Come here and hug me! It will only take a second. Or do you not like..."

In a flash, Elian’s armor was purged from his body. The loud sound it made both Bianca and Fluffy flinch. But before either could react, a figure dashed and gingerly wrapped the Witch into his arms.

Under his breath he whispered, "I like hugging you, Bianca. It feels really good."

Even though all he could feel was her chill, it was a feeling that belonged only to Bianca. But at the back of his mind a small desire began to bloom.

I want to wrap my arms around her and feel her body for real.

It was a mundane wish; however, the moment Elian wished it. It rapidly turned into a desire, then a longing. One that caused his mind to turn in overdrive.

"Wow. Zero hesitation at all! Either he really is terrified of my threat, or he really likes you Master. Personally, I think he hates my crap more."

"Fluffy! Shut up! A-And..." Her voice then turned to whisper barely audible, "Thank you."

The loud-mouthed troublemaker bellowed with happiness. Her raucous laughter bid farewell to the moons and greeted the arrival of the next day. Fluffy laughed for a few more minutes before shifting gears.

All of a sudden, the humor disappeared from her face. In its place her body rose, and her eyes turned sharp. "Now that you are back on friendly terms. It is time to finish this. The time for us to kill a Tyrant has come."

Bianca nodded.

They completely annihilated all the Snow Wolves of this Dungeon. Unlike the Red Swarm Tyrant. The ruler for this dungeon, sent everything he had to stop Elian and his party. Thus, all that remained was the boss, his Anchor and knights.

But then, neither Fluffy nor her master could move. The third member of their family still hadn’t moved a muscle since earlier.

"E-Elian...You can let go now...Fluffy won’t terrorize you with fecal matter anymore."

"I don’t want to." He replied.

"HAHAHAHA! As expected of my crap!"